update: 06/02/2026
Many people find themselves asking fundamental questions: “Why do I always do that?” or “How do I get what I want in life?”. It can be deeply puzzling to watch others effortlessly enjoy wealth, happiness, or peace of mind while you feel stuck. Often, the reason for this struggle is that you are looking for things “the hard way”.
The Hard Way: Persistence vs. Alignment
The “hard way” involves high levels of persistence and determination directed toward the wrong goals. For example, the author spent years repeatedly attempting to join the Air Force, only to realize after finally being accepted that they were a “square
peg in a round hole”.
While persistence is often praised, it can lead you to sign contracts or enter careers that require “blind obedience” to rules that do not fit your nature. In the past, people often took the path of least resistance, believing what parents or teachers told them about their ambitions. However, staying in the wrong job or life path only leads to frustration.
The Easy Way: The Power of Self-Discovery
The “easy way”—or at least the easier way—to get what you want is to prioritize self-knowledge. To navigate your life effectively, you must be able to answer three vital questions:
1. Who are you?
2. What are your strengths and weaknesses?
3. What do you actually need in life?
Most people do not truly know who they are or what they want. A helpful starting point is to visualize your life five years from now: Where do you want to be, and who do you want to be with?. If you find this difficult to answer, you may need to explore your personality, emotions, and the things you truly love.
Why Self-Understanding Matters
Knowing what you want provides a necessary sense of direction. Without it, you may end up “sleeping on a park bench” when you actually intended to go to the supermarket—leading to intense frustration and unfulfilled needs.
By gaining an understanding of what motivates and drives you, you can:
• Improve Relationships: Understanding how you function helps you become more tolerant of others and helps you choose better friends.
• Enhance Career Satisfaction: It can relieve frustration with bosses and colleagues.
• Break Old Labels: It is important to realize that you are not the same person you were labeled as by parents or teachers when you were young; people grow and change through experience.
Practical Tools for the Journey
In the modern age, self-discovery can be both “fun and quite revealing”. There are many personality tests and quizzes available online, many of them for free, that provide suggestions regarding work, hobbies, and relationships.
A Gentle Warning: When taking these tests, be kind to yourself. If you are feeling “down in the dumps,” your assessment may be slightly skewed. It is often best to leave it for a few days and repeat the tests for a more accurate reflection of your true self.
The Reward of Finding Your Place
When you align your life with your true personality, the results are transformative. For the author, this meant moving away from rigid regulations and working independently on the internet, where they could choose their own hours and environment. Even leaving a “wrong” path can be done gracefully; by following specific advice, the author was able to exit the RAF with an honorable discharge and a good reference simply by following the rules to “fail” correctly.
Understanding yourself is the compass that ensures you are no longer fighting against your own nature, but finally navigating toward what you really want.
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